kisses a plenty

Curly has been out camping for almost a week, due to a bet lost by his friend, and just got back yesterday. I joined him and one of my co-workers for a night on the town. 

 

Gin & Tonics and shots all around made for a very wet night. Curly living near by made for me inviting him up. I wasn’t really planning on sleeping with him, so we just ended up sleeping in the same bed. Woke up around noon and had a make out marathon. Making out is seriously under rated. 

If Curly had been at all pushy about getting in to my panties he probably could have, but since we were already in that post coital state (without even having sex), where you can just hang out in an extremely relaxed way the tension never got that heated.

No, actually, when he was making an effort to leave it got a bit heated, but then we lost our track, talking and what not, and for some reason didn’t get as far as to banging. Now that I think about it it’s pretty weird. Maybe it’s because I’m not so hot for him really. All of this is, after all, the result of one impulsive kiss in a club…

And how will I balance this with Turtle? It’s possible that I’ve bitten of more than I can chew here… I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.

work out

Goooood, I wish I could have sex instead of going to the gym!!!

I don’t want to work ouuuut. I want to get laaaiiiiid.

 

What? Frustrated? Me? Pssssh…

nothing

Ted stopped by work today. He was there one moment, and then he was gone. “Hey, what are you going here?!” I asked, but another colleague butted in and he never got a chance to reply.

And when he was goen I thought “Surely, he’ll leave me a message somewhere. In my locker? A text message?” but nothing. All evening (I was working the late shift) nothing. And when I got home, nothing.

I sent him a text message saying “Frankie, what happened? change your mind? ;)” to which there was no reply, and I have to admit, in disbelief, that he probably did. And I’m really, really surprised!

Does this mean that it really is true that you can’t be straightforward with a guy? That we have to make you work for it, wait for it, unceartain if you will get it, in order to really keep your interrest? Even though we may want it more than you do? Even though it’s just physical? Even thouh we’d get so much more stuff done if we just dropped the charade? It kind of hurts my brain to think that I might have to keep playing this game until the end of time. I just don’t know if I have the energy.

Anyways, I’ve learned my lesson: Thou shalt not throw away all pretences and make yourself available for any guy. Sucks.

sex & expectations

For one week messages have been sent back and forth between me and Ted. Initially I’d wanted to hang out with him for a bit and then have him come over and fuck me. And as the week’s progressed I’m sure that he has a very clear image of that. Not the hanging out part, but the fucking. He pretty much expects it, which is probably exactly what I would have done if I was him, and I realize I’ve painted myself into a corner here.

Yes, I do (think) I want to sleep with Ted, but I most definitely would like to just hang out with him first. Cause when you get right to it, it takes some trust to sleep with someone. And now I’m kind of sorry I made it so obvious that it’s basically a good bang that I’m after, cause that will probably take away a lot of the excitement of not knowing what’s gonna happen.

I want to go out, sit down and seriously have some tapas, feel the excitement building and then take him home with me. I don’t want to miss out on the awkwardness of trying to make conversation with someone you actually just want to have throw you over the shoulder, take you home and bang you sensless. 

Maybe most of all I’m afraid I’ll feel used. I don’t randomly pick out guys to sleep with. As a matter of fact, Ted is the first guy I’ve been attracted to in more than six months. And I don’t mind that he’s leaving and that I’ll probably only have him once, but I would mind if I met him and he went about it in a “let’s get down to buisness” kind of way. Maybe I shouldn’t overthink this since there’s a good chance we won’t have time to meet at all.

bang me?

I had the most cruel dream last night

I dreamt about this guy I used to go out with in Tokyo. I call him Rumble. A 23-year old guy whom I met through a friend in a karaoke box in Shibuya. I soon learned he was married, but the second time we met, also in a karaoke box together with our mutual friends, sparks were flying in every direction. We didn’t stand a chance to the attraction that overpowered both righteousness and reason.

Being with him in Tokyo was like being on a constant high, and I don’t think I’ve ever had such a connection with anyone in my entire life. I kid you not when I say I could read his mind as if his thoughts were written down for me in an open book. His wife, or rather, the girl he’d married back home so that she could obtain a visa and come with him when he moved to Japan, was not yet in the country which made it very easy not to think about her at all. And I should be perfectly honest and say I was in a relationship with Turtle at that time as well, but in the beginning I felt very strongly that mine and Rumble’s thing was completely disconnected from how much I loved Turtle. 

When I met his wife she was incredibly rude, even though I tried my best to make her feel welcome when she’d just moved to a new, huge city. (I know it might sound false, but I still felt that the thing between me and Rumble was kind of in a separate world. And it was definitely nothing personal against her! Besides, she didn’t know about it, and we didn’t intend to keep this parallell universe of ours alive once his wife was in Japan.) As for her I couldn’t see how someone larger-than-life, like Rumble, had fallen for such a grey mouse that refused to even be friendly, and this was an impression shared by quite a few mutual friends of ours. Of course, no one told Rumble to his face.

This was nearly a year ago. And I can still feel the connection, the need to talk to Rumble, pick his brain, hear that marvelous laughter of his, but our contact is near to nill. It’s fine though, the whole thing with the two of us was probably just a result of Tokyo-fever…

In my dream last night though he was right there. Right there with his hoarse laughter and his warm, massive body and it was a fragment of the crazy time we had in Tokyo, and then he was made to choose. Me, or the mouse. And he chose the mouse over me. Again. Out of love, out of habit, out of cowardliness, I don’t know. I was confused: “But we are the best team! We are!!! So… why is he choosing her?!” And it stung like hell.

“I wanna get to know you”

I find a cute boy by the dancefloor that reminded me of another cute boy I once new, so i started talking to him.”Hey you wanna go someplace else where we ca talk?” he says and then follows up with, what seems like a very sincere: “I wanna get to know you.” And I get a bit annoyed. The night isn’t gonna be young forever, and if I start talking to him I might find that I don’t think he’s as cute anymore. So give him the only sensible reply I have: “Wouldn’t you rather make out?” After looking a bit bewildered for a few seconds he mumbles something about straightforwardness at which point I just grab him by the hair and kiss him, which is pretty easy since he’s sitting down and I’m standing up. (Later I discover that he infact is really tall.) Then I leave him to go find my friends and he disappears in the crowd.

 

I bump in to him later, at which point I actually sit down and talk to him, or rather listen to him talk. The boy won’t shut up! Talks about his studies and yadayadayada, blabla. And I’m sure that it might actually be interresting, but I’m kind of drunk and have an attention span of about 8 seconds. And just as I thought he got less cute when I started to “get to know him”. He finishes up with what, once again, seems to be a sincere rambling about sleeping togehther without having sex. I look at him as if he’s from outer space and decide I will definitely not take him home. The phrase: “I want to take you home and bang you sensless” would actually have been more of a turn-on here, but either way, “cute” will not get you in to my bed. He gives me his number, but I doubt I will use it, so it was probably uncool of me to take it in the first place…