Alice – In search of Wonderland

Saturday, June 14, 2008

boredbored

Filed under: Uncategorized — Alice @ 9:23 pm
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and then all of a sudden, there it is! A message from Ted. Saying that there just wasn’t enough time. And I ask for advice on what’s up in the city, and he says he’s out with some friends but they don’t know where they’re going either. “Take me with! (We don’t even have to make out.) 😉 I’m bored out of my mind!” I quickly reply, and at this point I’m being perfectly honest. I’m over Ted, I just want to go out and socialize. “Sorry :p” he says. (And I do give him cred for actually replying there…) So that’s the end of the Ted story, but now I have a totally differeng problem. I’m going out of my mind ’cause I’m so bored and all of the friends I couldv’e gone out with are at home sick or tired or whatever…

And I miss Tokyo like mad. In Tokyo you could go out to the nearest bar and have new friends within 15 minutes. 

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Tokyo Friday

Filed under: life,love — Alice @ 9:45 pm
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Ted has exams, and can’t hang out on Saturday as I proposed and my anticipation for our “date” (it’s more of an booty-call at this point) is driving me nuts.

I waaaaant him, but not until Saturday. And apparently that’s when he’ll be studying for exams (which I guess are on Monday or even later next week!)

Since Ted’s leaving town, or rather moving back to his hometown, next Saturday or Sunday, I’m beginning to wonder if there’s just not enough time to give him a tour of my bedroom…! Mind you that this is the first boy I’ve been sexually attracted to since I moved here, which means six months! Six months people!!!

God, this anticipation reminds me so much of Tokyo on a Friday afternoon. Oh, the long gone Friday’s! The longest and most busy day of the week at work, followed by clubbing til’ morning in Shibuya or Shinjuku. Goddamt, that was the good life!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRAAAORRRR!!!

 

 

 

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I had the most cruel dream last night

Filed under: dreams,Japan,life — Alice @ 9:15 pm
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I dreamt about this guy I used to go out with in Tokyo. I call him Rumble. A 23-year old guy whom I met through a friend in a karaoke box in Shibuya. I soon learned he was married, but the second time we met, also in a karaoke box together with our mutual friends, sparks were flying in every direction. We didn’t stand a chance to the attraction that overpowered both righteousness and reason.

Being with him in Tokyo was like being on a constant high, and I don’t think I’ve ever had such a connection with anyone in my entire life. I kid you not when I say I could read his mind as if his thoughts were written down for me in an open book. His wife, or rather, the girl he’d married back home so that she could obtain a visa and come with him when he moved to Japan, was not yet in the country which made it very easy not to think about her at all. And I should be perfectly honest and say I was in a relationship with Turtle at that time as well, but in the beginning I felt very strongly that mine and Rumble’s thing was completely disconnected from how much I loved Turtle. 

When I met his wife she was incredibly rude, even though I tried my best to make her feel welcome when she’d just moved to a new, huge city. (I know it might sound false, but I still felt that the thing between me and Rumble was kind of in a separate world. And it was definitely nothing personal against her! Besides, she didn’t know about it, and we didn’t intend to keep this parallell universe of ours alive once his wife was in Japan.) As for her I couldn’t see how someone larger-than-life, like Rumble, had fallen for such a grey mouse that refused to even be friendly, and this was an impression shared by quite a few mutual friends of ours. Of course, no one told Rumble to his face.

This was nearly a year ago. And I can still feel the connection, the need to talk to Rumble, pick his brain, hear that marvelous laughter of his, but our contact is near to nill. It’s fine though, the whole thing with the two of us was probably just a result of Tokyo-fever…

In my dream last night though he was right there. Right there with his hoarse laughter and his warm, massive body and it was a fragment of the crazy time we had in Tokyo, and then he was made to choose. Me, or the mouse. And he chose the mouse over me. Again. Out of love, out of habit, out of cowardliness, I don’t know. I was confused: “But we are the best team! We are!!! So… why is he choosing her?!” And it stung like hell.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

and then I rememberer – I love you

Filed under: life,love,tokyo — Alice @ 9:50 pm
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I go out with a bunch of japanese friends and I realize that this sadness, these “mini-depressions” that I have, never occured when I was in Tokyo. Although, once in a while I’d get paralyzed by an overwhelming joy, just the joy of being alive and breathing in that amazing city, but that too would pass in a few minutes.

I’m not sure what it is about Tokyo that makes me thrive and feel that I’m alive in a more tangiable sense, just like I’m not sure why this city seems to kill my spirit a little each day. (Nah, that’s a lie. It’s a damn boring city, that’s why!) But I am sure that a place that makes me paralyzed with happiness every once in a while, is a place worth returning to. 

It freaking breaks my heart that it has to take so long, though. Another eight months before I can go back, at least. Eight months. I wonder if I’ll have a spirit left to revive after spending such a long time in a dull place.

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