Alice – In search of Wonderland

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I had the most cruel dream last night

Filed under: dreams,Japan,life — Alice @ 9:15 pm
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I dreamt about this guy I used to go out with in Tokyo. I call him Rumble. A 23-year old guy whom I met through a friend in a karaoke box in Shibuya. I soon learned he was married, but the second time we met, also in a karaoke box together with our mutual friends, sparks were flying in every direction. We didn’t stand a chance to the attraction that overpowered both righteousness and reason.

Being with him in Tokyo was like being on a constant high, and I don’t think I’ve ever had such a connection with anyone in my entire life. I kid you not when I say I could read his mind as if his thoughts were written down for me in an open book. His wife, or rather, the girl he’d married back home so that she could obtain a visa and come with him when he moved to Japan, was not yet in the country which made it very easy not to think about her at all. And I should be perfectly honest and say I was in a relationship with Turtle at that time as well, but in the beginning I felt very strongly that mine and Rumble’s thing was completely disconnected from how much I loved Turtle. 

When I met his wife she was incredibly rude, even though I tried my best to make her feel welcome when she’d just moved to a new, huge city. (I know it might sound false, but I still felt that the thing between me and Rumble was kind of in a separate world. And it was definitely nothing personal against her! Besides, she didn’t know about it, and we didn’t intend to keep this parallell universe of ours alive once his wife was in Japan.) As for her I couldn’t see how someone larger-than-life, like Rumble, had fallen for such a grey mouse that refused to even be friendly, and this was an impression shared by quite a few mutual friends of ours. Of course, no one told Rumble to his face.

This was nearly a year ago. And I can still feel the connection, the need to talk to Rumble, pick his brain, hear that marvelous laughter of his, but our contact is near to nill. It’s fine though, the whole thing with the two of us was probably just a result of Tokyo-fever…

In my dream last night though he was right there. Right there with his hoarse laughter and his warm, massive body and it was a fragment of the crazy time we had in Tokyo, and then he was made to choose. Me, or the mouse. And he chose the mouse over me. Again. Out of love, out of habit, out of cowardliness, I don’t know. I was confused: “But we are the best team! We are!!! So… why is he choosing her?!” And it stung like hell.

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Wednesday, March 12, 2008

paranoia

Filed under: blog,paranoia — Alice @ 8:02 am
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I’m really no good at this “blogging anonymously”-thing. The idea of a non-cencored blog, where I write stuff that I don’t talk about to people who know me, gets kind of lost since I’m convinced that. sooner or later, the blog will be found by someone who knows me. Although highly unlikely it’s not impossible. And the more precise information I give out, the easier it will get to be found. (I feel like a criminal on the run here.)

So out of paranoia I feel uncomfortable talking about what kind of company I work for or even which country I live in. I also try not to write about the same things as I do in my “official” blog so that people won’t be able to match the two together.At the moment it’s hard, since I’m not involved in much craziness, intrigues or evil schemes, but ideally this blog should be so different from the other one, that no one would be able to make the connection between the two different Alices…

And now I’m off to eat breakfast in the closet, with my hat made of aluminum foil so that the aliens won’t steal my brainwaves.Taaa.

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