Alice – In search of Wonderland

Sunday, June 29, 2008

kisses a plenty

Filed under: alcohol,life,love,party,sex — Alice @ 8:13 pm
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Curly has been out camping for almost a week, due to a bet lost by his friend, and just got back yesterday. I joined him and one of my co-workers for a night on the town. 

 

Gin & Tonics and shots all around made for a very wet night. Curly living near by made for me inviting him up. I wasn’t really planning on sleeping with him, so we just ended up sleeping in the same bed. Woke up around noon and had a make out marathon. Making out is seriously under rated. 

If Curly had been at all pushy about getting in to my panties he probably could have, but since we were already in that post coital state (without even having sex), where you can just hang out in an extremely relaxed way the tension never got that heated.

No, actually, when he was making an effort to leave it got a bit heated, but then we lost our track, talking and what not, and for some reason didn’t get as far as to banging. Now that I think about it it’s pretty weird. Maybe it’s because I’m not so hot for him really. All of this is, after all, the result of one impulsive kiss in a club…

And how will I balance this with Turtle? It’s possible that I’ve bitten of more than I can chew here… I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

leave your girlfriend at home!

Filed under: friends,life,love — Alice @ 12:13 am
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Goddamit!

I’ve arranged to see my best friend Funky Town this evening, and I’m visualizing us having a quick drink at the sky bar before we head to his tiny apartment and sit down in the couch and catch up. It’s been ages since we’ve had a chance to catch up, and I want to know what’s going on in his life. We’ve always been very tight, on the same wavelength, but ever since he got a girlfriend he’s, understandably, been harder to reach. Especially when we both insist of moving out of town as soon as the other one settles back in.

As we’re opening the door to his apartment building he says: “I just promised Twigs I’d check in with her when I got home…” His girlfriend, you see, lives in the same apartment building, only two floors below him. I silently sigh, but smile, and say: “Sure.” I mean, what else am I gonna say…? Anyways, he opens her door, says hi, yadayada, and then invites her up! “Why don’t you come up, when you’re finished writing e-mails?” I curse on the inside. Me and Funky Town stroll on up, sit in the sofa and chat. And just as I’m about to ask him how things are going with Twigs, she enters. And she’s gloomy. And it sucks that neither of them seem to understand the fact that just because we all know each other doesn’t mean he has to invite her, or that she should tag along, in everything me and Funky Town do. 

I don’t dislike her, or maybe I do a little actually! Since I now recall being slightly disappointed when he told me that she was his girlfriend. But I only dislike her (and only very slightly, for she is a decent human being, if a bit boring…) for the fact that she’s always too sensible and a little dull and me and FunkyTown have always been crazy people. She doesn’t ever let go and let herself be goofy, which has also made FunkyTown kind of restrain himself whenever she’s around. 

I really thought I’d carefully hinted that I wanted to have him for myself for one evening, but apparently the message was not recieved. So now what do I do? 

And to further my frustration I later found out that they’d spent the entire week end together and just gotten back. Together. I mean, come on…!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

the story of my first boyfriend

Filed under: life,love — Alice @ 11:01 pm
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My first boyfriend, Elf, was the alpha male in a group consisting of seven guys and me. Even though I didn’t really think I was that pretty I somehow managed to get a kiss from him, and then he was hooked. And so was I. He was my first boyfriend and he loved me, and everything about me, with a passion.

A year in to the relationship I spent the night at his house and we started talking about war and politics (up until then all we ever did when we spent the night together was have sex) and I suddenly realized I was dating a 1700th century conservative. Soon I found out he’s opinions about religion and fat people (!) were also a bit twisted and surreal (both religious people and fat people are stupid without exception, apparently.)

Nevermind that. We were young and in love! It wasn’t until he started getting insanely jealous of one of Funky Town, the other guys in the group whom I got along really well with that things started to fall apart. Mine and Funky Town were very fond of teasing eachother, poking eachother, having thumbwars or any other kind of wars and go shopping for clothes together. I thought of him as a brother and it never crossed my mind that he was a boy and I was a girl. But in Elf’s head we were conspiring against him and he demanded I not see Funky Town unless he was with us as well. It would have been a somewhat fair request if not Elf had the habit of sleeping and never answering his phone until 4 p.m.

I really did try to please Elf, but after a while I felt like I was breaking my back trying to make him feel comfortable. He explained that it was simple: If I really loved him, it shouldn’t be a problem to chose him over Funky Town. But in my head I was thinking: If you really loved me you wouldn’t make me chose between you or one of my best friends…

It all came crashing down when Funky Town one day said jokingly: “When you and Elf have kids they’re probably going to be…” I didn’t hear the rest. I think I panicked at the thought of a future with Elf and the thought of ever having kids with him made my head ring. So I broke it off. The three years we had together ended with a crash when he punched his fist through the bedroom window when I was in the bathroom. I did try to stay friends with him, because I still kind of loved and cared for him, but he kept trying to control me and was forever dissapointed whenever I didn’t put his needs first.

Even though I was the one who’d broken up with him it hit me really hard. Everything and anything made me cry and I stayed in bed for a week. When I finally got up and back out in to the world Funky Town was a great support. Without a jealous Elf to consider he quickly became one of my best friends in the world. And when Elf realized me and him couldn’t be friends and started contacting everyone we knew making them chose sides, Funky Town stuck by me. A remarkable thing, since he was Elf’s friend first.

ex boyfriends’ girlfriend

Filed under: life,love — Alice @ 10:05 pm
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As I am now severely addicted to the hateful facebook since I keep checking Curly’s status all the time (he’s discretely matching me, half replying to my status updates) I stumble upon, Elf’s, my first boyfriend’s page. He’s on a friends-list of one of our old mutual friends (or not so mutual as it turned out), and although I cannot see his profile I can, for some reason look at his photo albums as long as he’s tagged the mutual friend of ours…

My inner voyeur takes over and I click around, watching glimpses of his life and after a while I make the conclusion that one girl might be his girlfriend. She’s definitely pretty and she looks a little bit like I did when we were dating. Long brown hair, very natural look, cute, petite, smaller boobs that I have but her stomach is toned. And not toned as in “she probably works out” but just as in instead of smooth you can hint that she has some muscles under there. And. It. Drives. Me. Nuts. To the point that I put my shoes on and ran to the gym. “Why?” you wonder? Because as much as I know that I fall in love with people not because of their looks but because they’re fantastic human beings, I can’t seem to apply this on myself. In my head all guys are constantly comparing me to every girl they ever dated or just had a crush on…

 

Thursday, June 5, 2008

I try not to think about Tokyo

Filed under: life,love,tokyo — Alice @ 11:59 am

We talked briefly about what we did back home.  We talked about who we were.  Neither of that mattered here.  After this bus ride we’d never see each other again, but that was the beauty of this trip.  Nothing really mattered.

When the neon lights and awkwardly compact buildings started coming into view I began to feel a sense of achievement.  I felt a sense of pride.  I felt a sense fear.  I felt a sense of love.  It felt like home.  This was Tokyo, Japan.

This post made my heart cramp up a bit. God, I miss it so much! Tokyo really is home. Any other city fades in comparison. Nowhere on earth can I find freedom and peace of mind like I do in Tokyo. And I die a little every day I’m away. The only thing saving me is that 8 months from now I’ll be free to live there as long as I please.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Tokyo Friday

Filed under: life,love — Alice @ 9:45 pm
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Ted has exams, and can’t hang out on Saturday as I proposed and my anticipation for our “date” (it’s more of an booty-call at this point) is driving me nuts.

I waaaaant him, but not until Saturday. And apparently that’s when he’ll be studying for exams (which I guess are on Monday or even later next week!)

Since Ted’s leaving town, or rather moving back to his hometown, next Saturday or Sunday, I’m beginning to wonder if there’s just not enough time to give him a tour of my bedroom…! Mind you that this is the first boy I’ve been sexually attracted to since I moved here, which means six months! Six months people!!!

God, this anticipation reminds me so much of Tokyo on a Friday afternoon. Oh, the long gone Friday’s! The longest and most busy day of the week at work, followed by clubbing til’ morning in Shibuya or Shinjuku. Goddamt, that was the good life!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRAAAORRRR!!!

 

 

 

Thursday, April 17, 2008

and then I rememberer – I love you

Filed under: life,love,tokyo — Alice @ 9:50 pm
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I go out with a bunch of japanese friends and I realize that this sadness, these “mini-depressions” that I have, never occured when I was in Tokyo. Although, once in a while I’d get paralyzed by an overwhelming joy, just the joy of being alive and breathing in that amazing city, but that too would pass in a few minutes.

I’m not sure what it is about Tokyo that makes me thrive and feel that I’m alive in a more tangiable sense, just like I’m not sure why this city seems to kill my spirit a little each day. (Nah, that’s a lie. It’s a damn boring city, that’s why!) But I am sure that a place that makes me paralyzed with happiness every once in a while, is a place worth returning to. 

It freaking breaks my heart that it has to take so long, though. Another eight months before I can go back, at least. Eight months. I wonder if I’ll have a spirit left to revive after spending such a long time in a dull place.

Friday, April 11, 2008

look, a fuck-me bear!

Filed under: life,love,sex,work — Alice @ 5:56 pm
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Is it wrong to want to eat one of your work associates up? I mean, what if they have dimples and fuck-me lips  (it’s the kind of strange lips that Brad Pitt has) and are huge, assumably muscular, but look like a fuck-me teddybear? Well, is it?

Sunday, April 6, 2008

cupcake

Filed under: chicks,gay,life,love — Alice @ 8:51 pm
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Rocker Chick calls me to see if I’m free to hang out. I’m unfortunately busy, and when I call her up, almost two hours later she’s already at home and feeling a bit under the weather, apparently.

I feel stupid for a second or two, but how am I supposed to know she’d call me out of the blue, wanting to meet up immediately? I suppose I could’ve left my schedule clear, but then I realize that that would make me Rocker Chicks bitch. It’s too bad though, I haven’t seen her since that night at the club when we were both really drunk, and I was kinda looking forward to seeing how we’d interract. Man, I just got a flashback. She’s so cute. (I want her!)

I’m gonna have to invite her to come stay with me for a weekend. I wonder if she’d dare to come?

Maybe tomorrow, if she’s still isn’t feeling good, I could stop by her place with some cupcakes or something, before I hop on a bus to go back to my “other home” to make up for the fact that I’m so popular I didn’t have time for her when she called.

let’s hang out at my mom’s

Filed under: chicks,gay,life,love — Alice @ 12:25 pm
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I didn’t see Rocker Chick yesterday after all. I’m thinking I should invite her to come visit me soon. We could go to that lesbian club that I’ve been wanting to go to ever since I moved to my latest “home”, but haven’t had the courage to visit on my own. Well see what happens…

Meanwhile I saved Turtle from fatigue yesterday when his flatmate was being totally depressed and depressing by inviting him to hang out at my moms. He ended up spending the night. I wonder what kind of relationship my mom thinks we have… 

And Tinkerbell is off the list. She’s still cute as hell and I respect her a lot, cause she’s the only one in my department that works her ass off, which is something I really admire, but she has a boyfriend. He’s in Australia at the moment, but a boyfriend nevertheless. And I might be crazy enough to chase after chicks that aren’t really gay, but I’m not crazy enough to chase after chicks that are in heterosexual relationships and that I also work with. 

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